Every birth
is completely individual. I’m sharing my story as I am passionate about birth,
not because I believe this is how birth should be for everyone. This is what
was right and what worked for me. It’s important that we celebrate birth
regardless of the ‘who, what, where and
how’ and it’s important that we celebrate each other’s births even if we
wouldn’t make the same choices ourselves. I hope this story may help just even
one person to believe in their body’s ability to birth naturally and to promote
home birth as an option for those that want it.
So this is
my story. It’s a bit long, so you may want to grab a cuppa first! (Please note
as per the HypnoBirthing philosophy contractions are referred to as ‘surges’
throughout)
I had been
niggling for days, gasping at each little sensation and saying to myself – Is
this it? Am I in labour? The day after my estimated due date, I had a fabulous
day out doing all the things I love. Somehow I think I knew it was coming. That
evening I started feeling more cramps. I woke up at midnight experiencing
tightening sensations and couldn’t sleep, so I got up and spoke to my family
abroad whilst monitoring to see if these potential surges were coming
regularly. By 3am, they definitely were and so I woke up my husband Lee. The
sensations were like period pain and I could happily talk through them but did
start using my some deep breathing at this time.
I tried to
use a clock and an I-Phone app to monitor my surges as I knew we had to keep an
eye on timings to be able to report to the midwives. In the end I actually
found this incredibly off-putting as when a surge was starting I had to come
out of my focus to check the time or press a button and the same at the end.
Eventually I stopped doing this as I was finding it counterproductive.
As the
surges were coming every 5 minutes, we called the midwife who came about
4.30am. She confirmed I was in labour and after a few checks (see below) asked
us to keep in touch.
One option
I always discuss with my clients is vaginal examinations – whether you would
like to have them and if you do - if you want to find out how many cm dilated
you are. It’s so easy to get hung up on those numbers when in labour and it can
be incredibly demoralising if, for example, you have been labouring for a long time
and then find out you haven’t made much progress. Personally I didn’t have a strong opinion over
it and knew it wouldn’t affect my mindset at that stage so was happy to find
out. I was 3cm dilated and the head was SO low, the midwife thought things
might happen quite fast…..Nope!
Lee and I
spent the next few hours relaxing together. We went for a couple of walks
around the neighbourhood, watered the garden, dozed a bit and tried lots of different
positions and techniques to get comfortable. Walking and moving around was
great, it really moved the surges forward. I also found I was comfiest on all
fours. As they thought Isla was in the posterior position, being on all fours
is the best position to assist the baby to turn into the easier anterior
position. I somehow must have instinctively known this and naturally got into
this position the most.
Lee
continually reminded me to eat and drink, just small sips and small snacks. He
was constantly there with a straw near my mouth without being asked. I wasn’t
hungry, so in some ways I had to force a little bit of food down but man was I
thirsty!
Surges were
coming every 3-4 minutes at times and Lee was asking if we should fill the
birth pool…Nope!
As it
turned out both my named midwife and back up midwife from the CommunityMidwifery Program were on leave that day. So Angela came to check up on us
next. I definitely think this was meant to be. Angela, like myself, is a
trained HypnoBirthing Practitioner and we just bonded straight away. My labour
hadn’t really progressed much and so she worked with Lee to use a HypnoBirthing
script to relax me. Unfortunately it was a little too effective as my surges
slowed considerably. She thought it was time for a rest so sent us off to bed
for a few hours with surges only coming every 6-10 minutes now or even
disappearing.
Refreshed
from a nap, I found I was almost controlling the timing of the surges by how
much I moved around or how relaxed I was. I needed to keep active and present
to keep labour on track.
One of the
most effective things for me during labour was kissing Lee and nipple
stimulation. This is something people can be a bit funny about and I understand
that. I can also imagine that I would feel more inhibited using this technique
if I wasn’t at home. The hormone (oxytocin) that controls surges is the same
hormone released through kissing, nipple stimulation and sex. It’s the hormone
of love. By harnessing it and using it for my labour, the surges became much
stronger and more frequent. I know it’s not for everyone, but I would strongly
advocate giving it a go as it really moved me forwards. Whenever labour seemed
to slow, the midwives would start making jokes about needing some ‘private time’!
By now my
breath was my main focus. As I felt a surge coming I would inhale deeply and
use several breaths to carry me through each surge.
Both Angela
and I started to sense I had some sort of mental block that was stopping me
progressing. I was using visualisation, especially going to my favourite
Scottish island in my mind, and this assisted me through the surges but there
was something more. I couldn’t for some reason visualise Isla – the end goal.
My mum
suggested that instead of seeing my blockage as a large immoveable object, to
think of it as something fluid. I started to visualise a long, flowing piece of
fabric and on each surge was pulling myself along this fabric like a tug of
war. My only opponent was myself however. I just wasn’t completely releasing,
letting go and surrendering to my body and I wasn’t sure why. I knew the theory
but couldn’t move it into practice.
Also I had
always visualised giving birth at night, in the dark. The pool was set up in
the back room with large windows overlooking the garden. I felt almost exposed
being in there during the day, but knew at night it would be cosy and
welcoming. That in itself could have slowed me down.
I’m not
sure exactly what changed, I wish I could put my finger on it – but soon I
started to will on each surge. Moving my hips around to bring them on, bringing
my baby closer. I remember saying to myself and others – Bring it on! I was in
the zone.
I spent a
lot of time on all fours with my head planted into a pillow. By now, I
instinctively felt that I needed to use noise to move through each surge so
with each exhale I made a low moaning sound and found this incredibly helpful.
Angela
asked if she could check progress as we needed to decide when to call for the
second midwife. Again, I had no strong opinion about a vaginal examination and
was happy to know how we were getting on. I remember knowing that regardless of
how well progressed I was – this was my journey and the speed of progress would
be what it was meant to be. Therefore I consented, knowing that it wasn’t going
to affect my mindset, and was happily told I was 7cm, very stretchy and Isla
was very low. Angela wouldn’t explicitly say what position Isla was in, so I
took this to mean she could still be posterior. Knowing that this can in some
cases cause longer and more painful labours, I was probably best making light
assumptions than knowing for sure as that information could have set me back.
Our back up
midwife, Katherine, and our student midwife, Dani, were here now – I was aware
of their arrivals but needed to keep under, keep in my zone.
Again, I’m
not sure what changed. I think I was tired and running out of energy but I
started to doubt myself. It wasn’t fear of the surges as such – it’s hard to
explain. In some ways I was thinking – I can do this now, but how much more
intense will it get and can I handle that? But on the other hand, deep down I
knew I could handle it so that wasn’t the blockage – I think it was just
tiredness as I had been laboring for nearly 24 hours by this point.
The
Community Midwifery Program midwives are typically more hands-off than you
would find in a hospital. However, they of course have parameters in which they
must work and with not much progress I was starting to get close to the ‘action
line’. I was getting very tired and we needed to move things on so we chatted
and decided to break my waters. I found this to be a horrible but yet fantastic
release of pressure. Apparently tough as old boots, this would have been hard
to break naturally and it did the trick – we got moving. Angela said she was
sad that we had had to intervene – again I felt no disappointment; just that
this was my journey and it was much more important to be able to keep labouring
at home.
At this
point, Lee filled the pool. I actually resisted getting in it for quite a while
(preferring to plant my face in my pillow still!) as I knew it could slow me
down by relaxing me too much. Eventually with the beautiful darkness making my birthing
room cosy and inviting and by the flickering light of candles, I took a dip in
the pool. Heaven! But I promptly started falling asleep in between surges! For
the next hour or so we moved through lots of different positions – walking outside
in the garden, sitting on the toilet, kissing Lee, on all fours and in the
pool. The surges were intense but manageable and I was bringing them on through
movement and slowing them down by relaxing in the pool.
Soon
however I just couldn’t cope with the surges out of the pool, I had to stay
immersed and this is when the heat and buoyancy of the water really come into
their own. In the final stages of dilation, the pool was like a cocoon, giving
me that layer of support and the darkness was that extra layer of privacy and
comfort which I instinctively needed.
These last
few hours are a bit of a blur – I was definitely in labour-land. I had my
favourite music on but only remember hearing one song (tuning into the lyrics
of a John Mayer song saying you can’t
stop this train and smiling at that!) I had all the team around me but
really could only tune into Lee and Angela’s voices. I moved positions in the
pool, again sitting resuming the all fours position mainly and just enjoyed the
warmth of the water and how effective it was making low moaning noises through
each surge.
I can’t
quite remember whether I felt a strong downwards urge, but I remember sensing a
change. I refused to believe the midwives that Isla was there and ready so they
made me check myself. I was astounded to feel the wrinkles of skin on her head
and the ridge of her skulls as they were moulded ready for birth – it just didn’t
feel real.
The next
stage I remember is ‘getting Isla round the U-bend’- which is the best
description of how it felt. It was incredibly frustrating – with each surge I
would direct so much energy and feel her moving down, using several breaths for
each surge – only for her to slip back. After a while, I started to panic and
was saying to everyone – I’m failing, I can’t get her round. They reassured me
this was completely normal and it is in fact a positive as each time she comes
forward, she is gradually stretching the tissues. However mentally, this
was incredibly difficult. I was using SO MUCH energy and felt like I was
getting nowhere.
By now, I
had been labouring for nearly 27 hours. I was aware of the midwives talking to
Lee in the kitchen next door about progress – god knows how as I couldn’t tune
into much but was hyper aware of this conversation. I remember Lee coming back
into the room and being much tougher with me, not explicitly saying the ‘H’
word (hospital) but I knew this threat was looming. He said ‘you have to do
this now’ and I remember feeling panicked as I just didn’t know how. Well he
actually said – “Aisle 14, Bag of Concrete, Toughen the f**k up” – much to
everyone’s shock and laughter. Cheeky sod!
My energy
levels were so low by this point and I was flabbergasted by the amount of
energy I needed during each surge to move her down. By now, noise and my breath
were my absolute everything. As I felt each surge coming, I would breathe in
and then exhale using all my energy and voice to move her downwards. I
definitely wasn’t screaming – the noise was part of the energy and
Angela could really tell how much progress I was making by the tone of my
noises. It was primal – I needed that noise but afterwards I was so surprised and
now joke I must be the loudest ‘Hypnobirther’ ever!
Originally
I thought I would labour on all fours as I had done throughout, but I found
myself almost horizontal in the pool with lee holding me under my shoulders and
my legs pushing against the other edge of the pool. I also had an anchor strap –
two handles attached to the birth pool, almost like water skiing, which were
absolutely amazing and just what I needed.
With each
movement, everyone could see the head except me. I started to feel like I was
tearing but not where I expected to around the perineum, but up at the top and
this was surprising and stung a lot (I actually didn't tear and just had a couple of grazes). In the end I had to just not care about
that and once I decided that she came round the ‘u-bend’ for the final time and
stayed there. It was time and I couldn’t believe it. I literally had to go past
common sense, reason, what felt right and shut everything out. With lots of
encouragement and one huge, monumental downward surge, the head was out.
Now this
was one of the strangest parts of the labour for me. I remember looking up at
Angela and saying ‘stop pushing her back in, what’s happening’ as there was
this phenomenal amount of movement and pressure as little Isla turned her head
from side to side. I honestly can’t fully describe that feeling of her moving
like that – but nature is a wonderful thing as she positioned herself ready for
the next surge. I will never forget that crazy feeling.
With the
next surge, her whole body emerged and Dani lifted her up onto my chest. Looking
down on this pink, wriggly, little thing – I couldn’t connect the last 27 hours
and the last 9 months with that moment, it was surreal. Immediately alert,
pink, moving and healthy – we all cooed and stared at her for about 20 minutes. I think I was in a little bit of shock – only
maybe 15 minutes before I was battling with myself thinking I couldn’t do it but
here she was. Dani helped me to test whether her cord was still pulsating which
was more difficult than I thought and our natural third stage unfolded really
naturally.
Once the
cord had stopped giving Isla all her blood from the placenta, Lee cut the cord
and taking his shirt off had some skin-to-skin time with his new daughter. After the birth, I had taken a small
homeopathic remedy from my little childbirth kit. I’m not sure whether this did
assist but I got out the pool and within a minute my placenta was out.
The
midwives kindly set up our bedroom for us so we could take Isla straight to
bed. For the next couple of hours, they checked on Isla and I and also assisted
us with the first breastfeed. It was important for me to try get Isla to
self-latch if possible. Lying in bed, we put Isla on my chest and within
minutes her little head was bobbing up and down and she made her way to the
breast. Hand expressing a drop of colostrum to help her find her way, with no
assistance at all she latched on. I was ecstatic – this was just what I wanted.
After a
quick shower and a gorgeous cup of tea, with all observations complete, we
waved the midwives off and had a glorious six hours of sleep in our own bed.
Waking up to the snuffles of our new daughter and our new life as parents, we
felt so lucky to be at home and healthy.
Looking
back on the experience now two weeks later, there are a few things that took me
by surprise and that will alter my view and possibly my teaching about birth.
As a birth professional, I knew the theory but until knowing this experience
for myself there was always going to be a gap in knowledge.
I think the
two main take-away learnings for me are the sheer importance of the power of the mind and the energy I needed during the second stage. I couldn’t believe how much I could ‘control’ the
surges through relaxation, movement and my state of mind. When I wasn’t in the
zone, my labour slowed, and it was sometimes hard to keep in that zone. I felt
so lucky to have been at home and been supported by such a great team. I can
only imagine how much harder it would be to keep my mind on track in an unfamiliar
setting and with the additional pressure of hospital policies.
For me the
other main learning was about the second stage or pushing stage of labour. In
HypnoBirthing, we teach people to breathe their babies down. I definitely did
use my breath as my main tool in this phase, but it took me by surprise how
much energy I needed with that breath. It was quite simply the hardest thing I
have ever done. Speaking to Angela about this, she said that every woman and
every labour is different but that some women need a huge amount of energy
whereas others can more easily and quietly move their babies down. I will definitely bring this
range of experiences into my practice from now on.
To sum up –
a phenomenal experience. I’m so glad I had the support to do this at home and
am eternally grateful to the midwives and the Community Midwifery Program, but
mainly my husband Lee who was incredibly supportive of all the theory and plans
leading up to the birth and was like a blanket of support, comfort and love
throughout the birth.
